Whew... Week FOUR. We made it.
HOW. DO. YOU. FEEL?? You have done so much. You have unearthed so many things. You have had so many revelations. You have hit a bunch of walls and released many stuck points. You revealed some things you weren't ready to move through, but you did anyways... or you saw that some things just needed to be acknowledged at this time to be processed later. You found some things that you did not even know were there. LOTS OF GREAT SHIFTS AND MOVEMENTS!!
Through it all... you made it here. I hope that however your journey looked or felt - no matter what, you are PROUD OF YOU. You took that first step. You took time to work on you and look inward. You placed a bet on yourself, and a bet on YOU is always a winner!! Take a moment and soak it in... you have done more healing during this ONE MONTH than most of the world population does in their WHOLE LIFETIME. And for that, I applaud you. I hope that you also applaud yourself.
So are we done with all the mushy stuff? I guess... lol
WELCOME BACK TEAM. It is WEEK FOUR of The Unravel Challenge. This week we are focusing on FORGIVENESS and ACCEPTANCE. You are probably already creating a list in your head of people that you do not think deserve your forgiveness, followed by a list of things that have occurred to you in your life that you deem UNFORGIVABLE. But guess what, I regret to inform you that you used those brain calories for nothing. You and your EGO (I thought you put her in her place anyways lol) can crumple that list up and trash it. This forgiveness we are working on is: FORGIVENESS OF SELF. I know. The friction built up in you already. Either you said "there ain't nothing for me to forgive myself for". Or your feelings of owning your self hate, not deserving to be let off the hook or that you haven't "suffered" enough yet to forgive yourself have boiled up. I am sorry if you feel either of those ways. But this is what we need to peel off this next layer. So, hold on to all that (just for a tad longer)... we will use it later ;-) #breathe
Some of us know there are things in our lives that we need to forgive ourselves for. But some of us have no idea what we would forgive ourselves for, or why we would in the first place!! In both cases, usually the next question is: HOW DO I FORGIVE MYSELF ANYWAYS?
** Let's Set The Stage Before We Get Into The Nitty Gritty **
We first we have to create enough quiet in our minds and space between our thoughts to be able to become aware of ourselves and our feelings, as well as, become mindful enough to gain the "sight" and "hearing" of our spirit/creator telling us what we need. Once we have the space within us to allow the awareness, areas of forgiveness can be brought forward. From this place we will be given the strength and guidance to start taking action!!
We can't get to this place when we are in are in a constant state of fight with our present reality. When we are in fight state, we create a perpetual state of resistance. As you know "what you resist, persists." We are on an ongoing wheel of wanting change - Needing a better job, more money, to be smaller, to have a fatter @$$, to have a better relationship, striving for perfection etc etc etc LISTEN perfect is boring and it is also exhausting to maintain because IT AIN'T NATURAL. Anything "not of us" takes more than baseline effort to maintain... whether that be lashes, extensions, nails, implants, a twist out, fake personality trait lol any of it.
Instead, we need to get to a place within, where we can be ok with RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. Becoming ok with our surroundings as they are and not how we "see" or "feel" they should be is FREEING. We have to let go of control. We have to relax down. We have to LET GOD.
What is RIGHT NOW was it?! What if there is no NEXT BEST THING? What if not else was going to change? How does that make you feel? What if there was no new job? Next relationship? Smaller pants size? If this was it... how would you begin to allow yourself to be your happiest despite of?
OR what if nothing else was going to change - - at least it wouldn't change, until you LET GO?! How does it make you feel to know that your resistance, your need for control, you inability to relax down was/is the barrier to your NEXT? How do you get to this place of less resistance? You get to this magical place of letting go by being honest with yourself. You have to drop in and note the key differences between relaxing/letting go with what is (so that you can come to a state of acceptance); which then brings you to a place that you can build a foundation upon to move forward VS being slack, lazy and unmotivated. By letting go and accepting yourself HERE AND NOW, you create the space for forgiving yourself and forgiving yourself gives you the ability to embrace life's and your imperfections!
1) Coming to the point of self forgiveness 2) Doing the work to let go of your past 3) Not trying control your future and 4) Not ruminating on things that have already happened - will help restore your SELF WORTH and PRIDE. This will finally allow you to have the space to stop sabotaging yourself for the things you haven't achieved, didn't do or maybe even wish you had not done!! Get back to your TRUE SELF by giving yourself the gift of self forgiveness and empathy!
OK... You might think "I haven't harmed a puppy. I am a good person. I don't need any forgiveness." But you would be wrong! The parameters and goals we set for ourselves, the things we didn't accomplish, the things and people we lost - all create the things that we build up as resentments against ourselves. These are the things we need to forgive yourselves for.
If you are still having trouble bringing to memory the things you should let yourself off the hook for, or maybe you want to expand your list for deeper healing; Here are some things that someone might need to forgive themselves for:
- your past. PERIODT!
- failed relationships
- being weak
- making mistakes, maybe the same one over and over
- judging others
- misjudging others
- judging yourself
- letting your guard down
- comparing yourself to others
- getting caught off guard
- lost hopes and dreams
- letting your ego win
- your shortcomings
- lost friendships
- laziness and lack of motivation
- being selfish
- being careless
- longing for what's gone
- doing something you regret
- making decisions too slowly
- falling for the mass programming
- not being prepared
- the ways you have changed
- deeply harming another being
- the ways you have not changed
- missing opportunities
- letting outside forces affect your self worth
- not accepting yourself
- being blind to your TRUE SELF
- not embracing your flaws
- not loving yourself
- seeking outside approval and validation
- not saving someone
- not saving yourself
I mean, maybe you are perfect and there is nothing you have to forgive yourself for. BUT, if you're here, you are probably not perfect like myself lol I definitely have done my ample share of self forgiveness work!! If you had nothing in mind, hopefully this list has helped you. If you still feel like you don't have anything to work on or you can't find it in yourself to forgive yourself: 1) then meditate/pray on it, as well as, 2) *see expansion questions at the bottom of this post.
I know you are ready to get to work now. And you are all "LET'S GET'R DONE!" But, there's another step before we make it to your actual tasks...
Here's some mental/emotional inner forgiveness work - before we get to your actual tasks:
- Stop making yourself the exception to the rule. Holding yourself at a higher standard than you do others is creating a trap for you to not succeed. This is not to say that you shouldn't have goals. But the empathy and compassion you show others for their shortcomings and mistakes should also be shown to yourself. ie someone studies hard and gets a 89 on a test and you shower them with love and support for how proud you are of them. An 89 isn't a horrid grade. You tell them how they should be proud of their hard work because you are. - on the other side of the same coin - You study hard and apply yourself and make a 90 on a test a week later. You feel like a failure, wonder what you could have done better and feel like your whole education is on the line because clearly this test reflects your entire worth. You think that you may as well DROP OUT because you are not able to score 100% after applying yourself.
- Realize that you ARE NOT PERFECT. Sorry, you're not. Neither am I. In case you did not hear me: YOU. ARE. NOT. PERFECT. Trying to be perfect is two full time jobs and I am sure you barely have enough time and space for your current work, family and life. Adding perfection to your plate is a ticking time bomb. Perfection is also a creation of the EGO. If you need to go back to last week's tasks to hash this out with her/him (EGO)... please feel free because she isn't welcome here in that capacity anymore. Perfection (or the attempt to be) blocks your authenticity and creativity channels. It makes your expression out to the world a false one. Perfection is also a trauma response of some sort. In my case it was - if I am perfect I can see all angles at all times (can't catch me off gaurd), if I am perfect no one will leave me, if I am perfect I will be enough and good enough. I could go on... but I won't. What are your reasons for perfection? How can you release them? Do you need to complete some F2SEs on these reasons? If so, you know what to do... head back to week one! I'll be here when you return ;-)
- Shorten your bandwidth of responsibilities. You are not an extension cord. We can't just plug you up and you go on forever. You can't be everything to everybody. When you try to be everyone's everything there is usually nothing left for yourself. Fill your cup first. You will also come to find that this 110% effort you are putting into everyone else is rarely returned. You drop everything to make sure everyone else is taken care of, but when you need a piece of gum, a pencil eraser and $3.96 everyone is ummm'n, scratching their head and nowhere to be found! #tragic
- Stop "self confirming" or letting outside forces confirm that "someone like you" doesn't deserve better. OR that someone like you can't achieve better because of XYZ reasons. When we start to believe a thing about ourselves, energetically we start to find things, people, places and situations that confirm that emotion/thought. This continual confirmation makes you think that this thought is a FACT instead of the illusion it truly is. Work to "Change you mind - it will Change your world."
- Stop dwelling on the past. It won't change it. And while you're living "back there", everything that is going on RIGHT NOW is passing you by. I know that there are things that you wish went differently. If they hadn't happened, or you at least could effect some of the outcome your current life would be so much better, right? Well maybe, but maybe not. We will never know. And you replaying the I WISH I WOULDA movie in your head won't solve the riddle. Just remember, there is a GOOD reason the WINDSHIELD of your car is BIGGER than the REARVIEW mirror. Keep looking forward! Yes, you need to remember where you came from to stay on course for where you plan to go. But if you keep your head on pivot to the past you will either continue to repeat it or run off your charted course.
- Start to take responsibility for your actions or lack of actions. After whatever happened (whether you did it or it was done to you), what you did next was on you... if something happened to you (especially if you were a child) once you got out of survival mode, what you did next is on you. I am not saying that it was ok... I have some pretty traumatic events in my life/childhood as well. BUT again, we can't change the past. If we are actively looking for a better future - the choices we make from this point forward are on us! ** if therapy is needed... get some, you won't regret it **
- Process your remorse for shortcomings, missed opportunities and/or things that you have done that you wish you hadn't. You can not continue to punish yourself for not making it pro or your business failing or the big thing you did that you regret. You have punished yourself enough. Punishing yourself doesn't make it different or go away. So let it go. It is ok. You have held that burden long enough. You can't carry your future in a hand full of the past. It is heavy, set it down...It is time, let the wounds heal. #breatheslow
- Patch things up. Make amends, even if the person you are making amends with is you - APOLOGIZE! Forgiveness is always FOR YOU, it is not for the other person. It lets you move past the wall to the other side. This prayer below has helped me. Say it several times to yourself... or say it energetically to a person you need to forgive for their wrongdoings to you. It is simple in its words. But if your wound is deep, new and/or has never been attended to, it will be hard to say and/or believe at first. Just keep doing it. The pathways will open when it's time. Stay the course.
Ho'oponopono Prayer: I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
- Find the lessons in the perceived shortcoming or mistake. What is the piece of this past experience that actual produced a positive in your present life? I know it is hard to wrap your head around believing that the things you have been wrestling with forever could actually have some hidden blessings. Maybe it led to you meeting a life long friend, or having a child, or finding a new career, or seeing how strong and determined you are. As they say "there is always a silver lining". Challenge yourself to find at least ONE!
The above are some great ways to start your self forgiveness process. Honestly, the above is enough work on its on... but it is the last week of the challenge and I'm going to give you your money's worth. Ooh yea this is free LOL well still. If we gone UNRAVEL, let's UN.RAV.EL!!!
With that, here is your task for WEEK FOUR:
1) Make a list of all the things you are ready to forgive
2) On a separate sheet - Create action items you can do to start to embed these forgiveness patterns into your daily habits. You can use the processes suggested above, or maybe something that has been dropped into your spirit that resonates with you
3) BURN YOUR LIST OF THINGS YOU ARE READY TO FORGIVE. Get rid of it. Burn it. Rip it. Flush it. Walk it to the dump! I don't care. Just RELEASE IT!! ** If you do burn it, please do so safely as I am not responsible for damages... or your clogged toilet. So release responsibly folks. **
4) Apply The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz (which are below) to your life going forward to create more space in your reality to be freer, accept more and relax down. Here are The Four Agreements in summary:
- ONE: Be Impeccable With Your Word. Say only what you mean. Don't use your words to speak against yourself, or gossip about another. Life and Death are in the TONGUE! So, use your words for truth and love only.
- TWO: Don't Take Anything Personally. Realize that nothing anyone does is because of you. Everything that a person does (even if it affects you) is a projection of their own reality and current space/trauma in life.
- THREE: Don't Make Any Assumptions. Communicate and ask questions. Avoid misunderstandings by clearly stating want you want and understanding what others mean to express/want.
- FOUR: Always Do Your Best. Always give 100%, but realize that your 100% will change from day to day. 100% when you are sick is different than 100% when you are fresh off vacay. Give yourself grace and avoid self abuse, self judgement and regrets.
5) Pick 2-4 of your self forgiveness's (from that list that you burned lol), and using The Four Agreements, evaluate the ways that the outcomes or at the least your reactions/healing would have been greatly improved if the agreements would have been applied to those situations.
6) Decide: which of the agreements you should apply to your current life ASAP-ly to ensure you keep your newly created space and grace. In what way do you plan to apply them to ensure you stay the course of self forgiveness?
...well my friend... that is it. You have done it. You went through four weeks of UNRAVELING and you have arrived at the finish line. I hope that you have gained some insight on the things that have been blocking your vision of your true self. I hope that you have removed some of the obstacles that have been keeping YOU from YOU. I hope that you have come to love who you are, right now - flaws, past, traumas, mistakes and all. I hope that you have unraveled enough to connect with the truest form of self love (or at least start to get a glimpse of it). That TRUE SELF LOVE is always honoring your spirit, following divine guidance above all else and keeping your communion with the divine!
Thank you so much for joining me on this journey. I appreciate all that have participated and shared. It was a deep experience for all. Remember you can revisit any or all parts of this challenge over and over again. I would give yourself 2-4 weeks in between revisits to allow the unraveling and decompression to settle. Also, feel free to break this last week into two weeks, as it was alot!! #SorryNotSorry
Be Blessed. Be Kind To Yourself. Be Kind To Others. I will see you around Internet. Xo - Namaste. JG.
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Why can you not see your flaws, accept them and let them go? Why can you not see that you (nor I or anyone else) is perfect nor should we be? How long are you going to let yourself suffer before you let these things go SO YOU CAN LIVE? What other work do you think you could consider doing to help you see that you (like everyone else) deserves to be forgiven?
This week's book supplements are as follows:
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
The Surrender Experiment by Michael A Singer
Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch
Please continue to share your journey on IG and tag me, as well as, please share this post and the IG video post so we can help spread more love and healing.
Stay tuned for my book release "The Weight Loss Equation: How to Finally Lose Weight and Regain Your Spirit". AND my upcoming workshop InnerQi (Qi=Energy). A Discovery Camp to reconnect with our inner energy, learning energy medicine and much more! It will be accessible online or in studio here in Tampa (Studio 108). If you are looking for reiki service or virtual yoga/personal training for groups or one on one, please contact at: firstname.lastname@example.org or hit the DMs on IG @She_Gathers_Wellness
Peace Love and Healing
Xo - JG
Janet Gathers, GatHouse Fitness of She Gathers Wellness, is not a medical professional/doctor, nutritionist or therapist. Please seek professional help if you feel you need further assistance in these areas.