week 7 | The Artist's way update

What Up Good People?! 

We have made it to week 7. This is the week that I didn't make it to 5/6 years ago when I did TAW the last time. So I am now in UNCHARTED TERRITORY! And I don't know if it is the work of the course, or the other handful of spiritual practices I am doing (likely all of it combined)... but ya girl is going through it. Just a feeling of coming "apart and undone". I actually set and thought to myself "Am I having another Dark Night of the Soul?" IYKYK 🫠 So I am doing my best to hold on for the ride while all the layers and upheavals process through. 

All that said... here are my notes from week 7

I feel like I am getting MORE BURNED OUT recovering from burn out. May very well be one of those "it gets worse before it gets better things", I am not sure. But I sure am over here like "BRRRRUUUUHHHHH help me", in my best KHart voice. 

In week 7 I also started rereading (via audible) The Surrender Experiment by Michael A Singer and doing Deepak Chopra's 21 Day Meditation Challenge (via Spotify). The Surrender Experiment is showing me, again, areas that I am too attached to. I am working on loosing up in those areas ie stop trying to control and allow flow. Which also goes into TRUST. 🤦🏾‍♀️ try and try again I guess. It also made me lean into the desire we as human have for change (better/the next thing on the checklist) and how our WANTING is the chief source of grief in our lives. So I now look to how to be content and enjoy where you are and still have goals... and is that even a thing?! 

It was my doggie's birthday this week as well... yes my Mandi that passed in Feb. So that whole thing through me off! Again, just like with her passing, the bday hit me harder than I assumed it would. She was about 90 days from her 18th bday (when she passed) and we got her when she 5 months old. So she was our child... and boom, she's gone. WILD TIMES GUYS!! 

Moving on from the Late Great Mandi 🙏🏾 I pondered many times the fact that when we are doing things that we truly aligned with our hearts, or brings us immense joy how we could go on for hours and days doing them. They fill us up!! And how daily we do things and work that continue to make us feel drained, tired, disconnected from Self or God, unhappy etc... this is the culture that we have built and the things we clearly accept (bc we do it day after day, year after year). We do this over and over until we are all used up, then you go sit and die. Bruh what?! I know God aint intend for us to come here, be miserable keeping and maintaining these material things, surrounded by people and tasks that don't bring us joy... only to do that long enough for culture to say "yea we are done with you, NEXT!" Then you go sit and waste away bc you are too tired from running yourself ragged for 60-70 then BAM BACK TO GOD! Nahhhhhh unsubscribe. There has to be another way. Where's the life's work that fills us and doesn't deplete us? Where's the location of living that aligns with our personality? Where is the group of people that build us up and support us? What is the thing that we are in love with the process of? Not just looking forward to the end product... but the act of doing or creating or accomplishing the thing itself brings us as much joy as the end result would?! 👀 Where are those things?? Seek and ye shall find I guess... so here's me SEEKING!!

The last couple of things that I jotted down were that I felt resurface an old habit (or underlying habit) of mine where I would look for the things wrong with me. Not in an aesthetic way. But I had an internal loop that pretty much linked anything to sickness, illness or death. This started back when my folks got divorced. I remember one school year, if it wasn't EVERYDAY, it was damn near - I went to the school nurse. I know she was like what is wrong with this child?! Or maybe not bc no one thought to get me counseling or asking why I was doing that. Hence the reason I was doing it - LMBO - right?! 

And lastly I skipped my Morning Pages the final day of week 7. I skipped most of my practices honestly. I did workout, but I just wanted to move my body and then do nothing else... so I honored it and got back to it the next day, which was Monday Day 1 of week 8!

Welp guys, I know that was topsy turvy. Believe me, it felt topsy turvy living through it. But all is well. Just par for the course of healing. Coming out better and stronger. 

HOW WAS YOUR WEEK?! 

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